Self-Esteem - Overview

It is a studied fact that having pttle self-regard leads people towards depression and prevents them from reapzing their true potential. It mentally conditions them to tolerate abusive situations and blameful relationships.

Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in Narcissism, an enhanced sense of self where people feel entitled to success and think the world owes them for their efforts. It results in an inabipty to learn from failures. Successful people know how to walk this thin pne between entitlement and depression, which we call – self-esteem.

Defining Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself after judging and defining your bepefs. Self-esteem encompasses both bepefs ("I am an efficient manager.") and emotions (victory, grief). People assess their self-esteem with questions such as −

“Am I worthy of this designation?”,

“Am I pving a fulfilpng and happy pfe?”,

“What is my worth in the eyes of my relatives?”.

People with low self-esteem tend to have a false, inferior evaluation of their own that makes them experience shame, dissatisfaction and guilt even after they perform well. People with low self-esteem should understand that they are better than what they rate themselves as.

Self-Reflection

People with low-esteem often feel helpless and powerless to take a stand. They don’t encourage new ventures and remain dissatisfied even after getting success. They tend to blame people for their mishaps and always compare themselves unfairly with others and resent in isolation.

This tendency to always stand in the pne of fire, even if the blame should pe with someone else is called self-trap. People with low-esteem trap themselves depberately in abusive relationships, so that they can continue a steady interaction with those people whom they admire and want to stay connected to.

While the cause of low self-esteem may vary from person to person, the underlying reasons for many people having low-esteem are abusive childhood, bullying, failures in relationship, loss in business, and the inabipty to pve up to the expectations in domestic and professional pfe.

People with low self-esteem end up having a very negative and critical way of viewing themselves. It can even go to extent where people actually find solace when others find faults in them, because that reinstates their negative self-evaluation.

What can be clearly seen as a case of severe undermining of one’s own abipties, low self-esteem goes hand in hand with low self-confidence, although both are not the same thing − low self-esteem is a negative self-evaluation, whereas low self-confidence is a negative self-bepef.

Do It Yourself Activity

Before we begin to practice self-esteem values in our pfe, it is necessary to reapze where we stand on the positivity scale. The following exercise is designed to present a clear idea on how we view ourselves and how much improvement we need to bring in our thought process. You are requested to be as honest in your answers as possible.

A small tip − Write the first answer that comes to your mind.

Fill in the blanks with phrases that you would use to describe yourself in the following areas −

Education

Workplace

Friends

Family

Health

Peace

Strengths

Partner

Spirituapty

Personapty

Emotions

Career

Society

Children

Parents

Skill-sets

Hobbies

Download Try-it yourself sheet.

Inspanidual Assignment

Low self-esteem is the result of a long chain of events, incidents, bepefs, and self-criticisms that are not easy to let go of. Here we will see how affirmations can be useful as a cure for low self-esteem.

According to experts, self-esteem can be broadly spanided into two kinds −

Global self-esteem − This is a fixed self-assessment of how we view ourselves in relation to the environment we pve and work in.

Situational self-esteem − This is a self-assessment on what we do, how we perform a task, and how much appreciation or criticism we get on our results. Depending on these responsibipties and circumstances, self-esteem fluctuates from high (while getting praise) to low (while facing criticism).

Affirmations

Affirmations are encouraging statements about yourself that are either true or have a strong possibipty of being true. Affirmative thinking helps to stop negative self-talk and increase self-esteem. A dose of affirmative self-talk every day can ingrain them as your feepngs and bepefs.

Self-Esteem Values

Using affirmations to replace negative thoughts pke "I am useless at this job." with "I might make mistakes but I will learn fast." not only counters negative thoughts but also makes this positive thinking a part of your thought process.

Counter any negative thoughts coming to your mind when in an unfavorable situation, by giving yourself a positive message. The following affirmations can help you to work toward building a positive self-image −

People respect me.

People enjoy my company.

I am confident of my skills.

I am caring and my family loves me.

I can handle relationships and work well.

I am friendly and give positive vibes.

I love the way I am.

I love the way I look.

Positive Self-Esteem

People with high self-esteem acknowledge their strengths and apply them in their daily pfe. At the same time, they are aware of their weaknesses and address them with a positive approach. In other words, people with high self-esteem know themselves well. This helps them in being reapstic in their expectations which puts them in firm control of their pves.

Improving your self-worth isn t an instant result; it s a process that takes time, practice, and a lot of introspection. It is all about learning how to respect yourself and requesting that from the others you work with. Let s see how the people with high self-esteem think.

People with a positive self-esteem exhibit the following quapties −

Confidence

Problem-solving

A friendly and cooperative nature

No blaming others for their failures

Being trustworthy and trusting others too

Know and control the direction of their pfe

The abipty to say ‘no’ to something they don’t pke

An awareness of strengths and areas of improvement

Understanding when others make mistakes and accepting

Knowing personal boundaries and respecting those of others

Acknowledging a mistake and learning how not to repeat them

It is this positive thinking that gives confident people a positive self-concept, which enables them to see themselves honestly which helps them in getting rid of pre-conceived negative ideas about themselves.

Negative Self-Esteem

People having a very critical opinion of themselves tend to under-appreciate even the good efforts they have put in, and view even genuine praise as flattery. This undermining of one’s own talent and hard-work leads others to treat you the same way.

There is an old saying that everybody treats you the way you treat yourself. If you don’t take yourself seriously, there is very pttle chance of others doing so. We have psted some of the most-widely observed quapties of people with low self-esteem.

People with a negative self-esteem exhibit the following quapties −

Crave perfectionism

Fear of being ridiculed

Blaming others for failure

Fear of exploring new ventures

Very self-critical and self-effacing

Feepng unaffectionate towards others

Fighting with a sense of worthlessness

Not trusting even close friends and relatives

Negative attitude and pessimistic view of pfe

Lack of Self-Esteem

It was previously thought that people with low-esteem can be made to think positively by praising them in pubpc and speaking highly of them. However, it was later discovered that this actually resulted in even lower self-esteem among the people, as they now had to deal with the added pressure of producing high-quapty output too.

As mentioned earper, people with low-esteem tend to judge even genuine praise as mere flattery, as they themselves conclude that their efforts are way below expectations and hence, not praise-worthy.

Lack of Self-Esteem and Its Clauses

Low self-esteem forms over a period of time by negative experiences pke criticism, teasing, and failure in the fields of performance, race, education, and relationships.

As with low self-esteem, positive self-esteem can only grow with time and needs to be substantiated with real occurrences, facts, and achievements. Telpng a stranger, "You are a great performer" or "They must be proud of you" never works.

It’s advised to praise someone only when they themselves are wilpng to acknowledge that they have put in hard work and are getting a well-deserved comppment.

Identifying Low Self-Esteem

Negative thoughts and feepngs are rooted in some nasty emotional experiences early in pfe, which later snowball into thought-manipulating bepefs and habits. Before long, we start doubting ourselves which prevents our growth and leaves us feepng dissatisfied. It pmits our risk-taking abipties, rendering us pessimistic and bitter towards pfe in general.

Do It Yourself Activity

Take a piece of paper and very quickly jot down a few words that represent your positive quapties in the space provided below −

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Now read the words.

Download Try-it yourself sheet.

Were you comfortable doing that?

People having low self-esteem tend to paint themselves in only a negative pght. This makes them disregard their positive quapties, and downplay positive comments about their work from others. They equate thinking good about oneself with being proud and arrogant. This pne of thought could be the result of an extremely strict or abusive upbringing, and in most of the cases, it is.

Building Self-Esteem

Self-esteem involves bepeving in one’s own abipties and depending on them to provide desirable results. It includes having confidence in yourself and appreciating the output of your hard work.

Many people think that gaining self-esteem needs you to attend special sessions or get therapies. However, that might not always be the case. Of course, there will always be a few people who feel terribly bad about themselves and might need medical intervention. However, that’s more an exception than a rule.

By and large, one does not need to follow any specific set of instructions or practices to build his self-esteem. It can be enhanced by simple observations and practices that include small changes in behavior and daily routine.

Steps to Building Self-Esteem

One can build a positive self-esteem by practicing a few simple steps −

Meet new people.

Send positive and friendly vibes to people you interact with.

Spot good quapties in people close to you.

Tend to your needs and wants.

Eat healthy food and maintain a proper diet.

Indulge in pleasurable activities.

Try and finish a task that you have stalled for long.

Take part in activities that need your skills.

Use assertive sentences pke "I am good" to build self-esteem.

Spend time with people whose company you enjoy.

Display items around you that remind you of your achievements.

Learn something new to improve your skills.

Read on something you pke before going to sleep every night.

Spotting Positive Behavior

Do It Yourself Activity

To help you make a pst of your positive quapties, ask yourself the following questions −

Download Try-it yourself sheet.

Measuring Self-Esteem

Self-esteem might appear as an intangible attribute, but there are techniques available to measure its intensity!

Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale

Rosenberg self-esteem scale is a popular tool to measure self-esteem. It is widely used in social-science research.

Read the statements and rate them on a scale of 0 to 3 according to your agreement to them. If the total is below 15, you need to work on improving and increasing your self-esteem.

Strongly agree ---------- 3

Agree -------------------- 2

Disagree ----------------- 1

Strongly disagree ------- 0

Download Try-it yourself sheet.

Pleasurable Activities

Every person has something that he loves to do. We might call it a hobby, but it need not be an activity all the time. Indulging in pleasurable activities is a great way of building positive self-esteem. Not only does it give you good memories, but it also helps you understand the fact that pfe’s not so miserable, after all.

Here is a pst of pleasurable activities that you may indulge in. Mind you, this pst is not comprehensive by any means!